By: Kelly Damron
The expectations of women have changed drastically over the past 100 years, but for many women being a mother is just as important today as it was a century ago. I remember having a conversation with my grandmother when I was in my twenties. We were sitting in her living room; me on her white, green, and blue flowered couch and she in her green antique chair. She was probing me about what my career choice was going to be; she wanted me to pursue a business career, as she had done. My grandmother had been a successful businesswoman who did not have her first child until she was 35 (something unheard of in the 1940s) and who continued to work full-time thereafter.
She asked me if I wanted to have children. I described a perfect blend of career and motherhood where I would work part-time and dedicate the rest of my time to raising my children. To my surprise she lectured me about what a poor mother I would be if I chose to work. Looking back at this conversation, I cannot help but wonder if her attitude toward me was a reflection of her own life and her regrets for choosing career over motherhood. Her son, my biological father, was not a good dad so I think her disappointment toward me that day was really the remorse she felt about her choices in balancing work and family and the effect it had on her son.
In the end, I pursued my career first. Out of college I joined one of the large public accounting firms. At 28, I married and was less focused on creating a family than I was about climbing the career ladder. After three years of marriage, my professional drive was replaced by my desire to become a mother, and my husband, Dave, and I embarked on the journey of trying to become pregnant.
I was surprised to find that my interest in my career waned the longer my husband and I struggled to create a family. At the same time, I was concerned that once I became a mother I would be too focused on my career and become the poor mother my grandmother predicted. A friend of mine, who is a business coach, used his skills to help me gain comfort that I would make the best decision for me and my hoped-for children.
My twin daughters almost four years old. I've made a conscious decision to work less than full-time so that I can take an active part in raising my kids. Many of my friends are stay-at-home moms while others have chosen to or must work. The balance of career and family can be a delicate one. I for one know that I am a better mom when I am with my girls because I also continue to experience the challenges and growth that can only be found in the business environment. Each woman should strive to find the balance that is right for her.
Kelly Damron is the mother of twin girls conceived via IVF. She lives in Phoenix, AZ with her husband, Dave, and their daughters. She is an active volunteer with the March of Dimes and RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association. Her book Tiny Toes: A Couple's Journey Through Infertility, Prematurity, and Depression is available at http://www.TinyToesBook.com or http://www.Amazon.com
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