If your child is born or later diagnosed with a disability you may feel disappointed, angry or even ashamed. These are natural human responses we feel when dealing with grief and loss. At some point in our lives, each of us faces the loss of someone or something dear to us. The grief that follows such a loss can seem unbearable, but grief is actually a healing process. Grief is the emotional suffering we feel after a loss of some kind.

The death of a loved one, the loss of a limb, even intense disappointment, can cause grief. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, the Swiss-American pyschiatrist reknown for her expertise on death and dying, named five stages of grief people go through following a serious loss or disappointment. Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages. Their lives can be painful until they move to the fifth stage - acceptance. Following is a short description of the five stages of grief:

The Five Stages Of Grief 

Denial and Isolation

At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our usual social contacts. This stage may last a few moments, or longer.

Anger

You may then be furious at the person who inflicted the hurt, or at the world, for letting it happen. You may be angry with yourself for letting the event take place, even if, realistically, nothing could have stopped it.

Bargaining


Now you may make bargains with God, asking, "If I do this, will you take away the loss?"

Depression

You might feel numb, although anger and sadness may remain underneath.

Acceptance

This is when the anger, sadness and mourning have tapered off, you simply accept the reality of the loss. During grief, it is common to have many conflicting feelings. Sorrow, anger, loneliness, sadness, shame, anxiety, and guilt often accompany serious losses. Having so many strong feelings can be very stressful.

Yet denying the feelings, and failing to work through the five stages of grief, is harder on the body and mind than going through them. When people suggest "looking on the bright side," or other ways of cutting off difficult feelings, you may feel pressured to hide or deny these emotions. Then it may take longer for healing to occur.

The Australian Government has a Pregnancy Support Counselling Service supported through Medicare. This psychology service (Medicare Item 81000) offers pregnancy support counselling to assist females who have any personal concerns related to a current or recent pregnancy within the past 12 months, whether it has been full-term or part-term. The pregnancy support counselling Medicare Item covers up to three 30 minute+ sessions per pregnancy with a psychologist .

Please contact your General Practitioner should you have any questions or to discuss a referral.

References:

Kubler-Ross, E (2005) On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss.  http://www.psychology.org.au/prac_resources/medicare/pregnancy/gp/#s5

To find out more about the life and work of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, go to http://www.ekrfoundation.org/index.php